June 23, 2001: DAVECON2001 VIDEOS & STILLS
A full trip report will come very soon.. for now, enjoy these videos and still images from the trip.

May 26, 2001: THE DALAI LAMA FLIPS A BIRD
Bill Lehecka writes in: "Now, isn't this photo DYING to have someone with a photo editor make it look like the Dalai Lama is giving the finger as he leaves the US State Department??? Hmmm... I don't know why, but I thought it would give me a chuckle. Thanks." No, Bill.. thank you for bringing this to my attention. My karma was reaching dangerous levels of positivity. Thank Megatheos I have this opportunity to work my evil magic on The Dalai Lama... just in time, too.

Apr. 24, 2001: SURVIVOR CONTRACTS FOR DUMMIES
During discussions about the intricacies of the Survivor contracts, Brad Hill said, "I don't know much about the Survivor contract, or how it differs from other TV cast agreements." I applied for the original Survivor show but fortunately for our fat & naked friend, Richard Hatch, I didn't make the cut. Here, though, is a copy of the actual application for the first Survivor show. It states, "To accept an invitation to be a semi-finalist, you must complete, and timely return the Competitor Form Package, which will be furnished to you by the Producers, and will include, among other things, a Competitor Affidavit, and the Competitor Agreement, including Release Forms and Waivers for you and your immediate family." All of which I do not have... but hey, I did what I could.

Feb. 10, 2001: CYBERGOLEM DINES WITH EMMANUEL LEWIS
Whether you love or hate 'AFL Survivor 2: Mock-Downunder' on the alt.fan.letterman newsgroup, you gotta admit: it's weird. As a member of the Froota Dalum tribe (Alan, Finchen, Kathie, Jay, Maybeso, Traci, and myself), I haven't seen much of the Mira Culbra tribe (Annette, CyberGolem, Marilyn, Maureen, Patrick, Sharon, and Tom). Thanks (?) to reports from their camp, we've learned that CyberGolem has spent the majority of his time naked on the beach with Emmanuel Lewis. Marilyn Sargent writes: "I'd like to see a picture of Cybergolem with Emmanuel Lewis!" Well, it took a while to get Cyber to put some clothes on, but once that was accomplished, it was a piece of cake (or meatloaf, whatever you prefer).

Feb. 9, 2001: CHAD'S RIPPLING MUSCLES
As 'AFL Survivor 2: Mock-Downunder' heats up on the alt.fan.letterman newsgroup, roaming reporter Sally Drell (uh, I mean, Lois Lane) reports: "...I wandered over to the Froota Da Loom tribe.... Chad seems to be doing the hard labor for this team, and the sight of his muscles rippling in the heat of the day are almost enough to make me forget Superman, but not quite. ...Enjoying myself immensely, except for the snakes which abound here. I hope someone knows that old joke about sucking out the venom is just a joke. If I get bitten, I sure hope it's Chad who bites me back to health. Ripple, ripple." The emails have flooded in asking what Sally is talking about.. It seems the ladies just can't get enough of that funky stuff (thanks, Kool and The Gang!). Well, well, well. For those of you who were wondering what all the hype was about, this modest photo is just for you! (go ahead and click the thumbnail for the larger image... you know you want to!)

Feb. 6, 2001: ANIMAL PATTERN DESK
After Late Show with David Letterman show #1550, discussions raged on alt.fan.letterman concerning Dave's desk. Unsatisfied with the trusty old fake wood finish, Dave had homebase colored some hideous hue called "Aqua Granite." Kathy (Finchhen) wrote: "How about adding some animal patterns on the desk like white with Black zebra stripes on it or a leopard print, that would be cool. Or some sort of hypnotizing pattern." Well, once again, your wish is my command. Hope ALL your birthday wishes came true, Kathy.

Feb. 3, 2001: DAVE AS THE JOKER
Bill Lehecka writes: "I LOVE the red suited Dave, but the purple suited Dave gave me a randy idea. (Randy?) Anyway, We keep the purple suit, give him an orange shirt, a green tie. Put a flower in Dave's left lapel. We make Dave's face white, his lips red, and his hair green and a little more distinguished, and we got the Joker. Can you do it? It would make my day..." Yes, it can be done... sloppily, of course, but I did it none the less. Now I just hope MAD Magazine doesn't sue me for infringing on their "Make A Dumb Wish" copyright.. Thanks for writing in, Bill!

Jan. 2 , 2001: BOB DYLAN SUED FOR DIGNITY
With Late Show with David Letterman in reruns, I am driven to making up my own comedy at home. At 6:32 p.m. James Damiano posted a large gif image (to the left) to alt.fan.letterman in which he claims to have written a piece of music that Bob Dylan has passed off as his own. Little did he know, that it was I who actually wrote that music in 1975... and that I, too, had a very large gif to prove it (to the right). Click each small image to see the full size gifs (it would be wise to start with the original on the left).

Nov. 27, 2000: ARMADILLO IN GIANT GLASSES
After Late Show with David Letterman show #1518 (featuring a moving edition of "What's The Deal with Old Guys and Giant Glasses?" [or as I like to call it, "The Comedy Planned For The Evening Was Nixed At The Last Second"] and an appearance by "Jungle" Jack Hanna)... Jim Garrett wrote (on alt.fan.letterman): "I'd like to see a picture of a 12-banded armadillo in giant glasses." While I'm not sure this is a 12-banded armadillo, it is an armadillo wearing a pair of Larry King's glasses which are clearly too big for it.

Nov. 16, 2000: ROUND-UP AUDIO CLIP
After weeks of listening to idiots beg for someone to post an audio clip of "Alan Kalter's Presidential Election Roundup" (seen on the Late Show with David Letterman - weeknights on CBS!)... I finally broke down and slapped this together for all the lamers who can't figure out their vcr's.